Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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