Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
