No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
