When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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