sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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