you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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