Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
