Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
