Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
