I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
