yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
