Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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