There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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