watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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