the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
