brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
