i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
