so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
