I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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