just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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