she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
