A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
