k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
