Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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