I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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