Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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