I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
