We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
