I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sext me about skeletons
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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