Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
