This is not my ceiling
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
