Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
