I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
