all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
