His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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