It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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