No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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