Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
