So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
