last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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