Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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