I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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