my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
