Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
