i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
