dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
