Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My cat gives me a boner
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
