My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
