Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
