I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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