i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
