Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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