Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
