trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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