everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
