I wish my penis had an off switch
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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